My family isn’t rich or famous or reality-show worthy. We aren’t really anything, but we are THERE.  I was never the kid that hoped that someone would show up to the school play; I was the kid who had to request extra tickets. I played sports terribly but had the biggest cheering section. If I cried, I could always find someone to hug and a lap to curl up in. I had to have an upper GI when I was 17 and when it was over the whole family was in the waiting room and there weren’t even needles involved. We used to joke that if I was ever in a play and got so sick I couldn’t come- Nana knew all my lines and could replace me. That is just the way we have been since I can remember. We don’t even do the phone thing well. The phone was just a necessary means to plan the next time we would get to see each other. Anytime the phone rings at Nana and Honey’s someone will always say, “who could that be? We’re all here!” And we all laugh every time. There is a kind of unshakeable confidence that kind of security gives people and I’ll never have the words to describe it.

My great grandmother, Nannie passed away last night. She was 97. I am sad, but confident in the fact that she has been ready to see Jesus and Granddad for a while now. Most people don’t get to have a great grandmother until they are 23 and I feel very blessed. Like most tears shed at funerals, mine are selfish. Because I know where I should be and I can’t be there. I should be making sandwiches and talking to relatives I haven’t seen in a long time. I should be at the funeral home standing next to Jake and my mom and dad. I should be making jokes about nobody doing a body like Corley’s. But I’m not. And more than anything, I should be able to give Honey a hug, and I can’t and it’s breaking my heart. We knew before we left that this was more than a possibility but that won’t make going to sleep tonight any easier.  So tonight, I hate London. London is stupid and far away and cold and far away and dark and far away. I don’t really have a good way to end this other than to tell my family thank you for the never-ending love and support and constant presence that makes not being there so hard. It is worth every single tear.


About fishandchipsandsalsa

This is the story of a newlywed-ish couple in Dallas about to pack up their lives and pups to move to jolly ol' England. They will miss good family, good friends and good fajitas.
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7 Responses to There.

  1. Suzanne says:

    I am so sorry for your loss! Your great grandmother was a sweet lady and will be missed by many. The good thing is she has seen Jesus face to face…how awesome is that? Plus she has been reunited with some many other loved ones…what a joyous reunion that must have been!!
    Take care. Let Mike hold you and comfort you, but most importantly, allow Jesus to give you His peace, because He knows how much this hurts you to not be able to be home.

  2. Andrea,

    I am so sorry to hear about your great grandmother. I know it is hard to be so far away from family in a time like this. If you want to do something this week, let me know. It may be good for you to go out and do something fun. Our thoughts are with you.

    Kat and Jiggy

  3. Dad says:

    Now you know why going hiking was so hard to leave to. Some explorer said, ” While at home you dream of nothing but your great adventure, but once you are on your great adventure, you dream of nothing but home”. Leaving home is never easy, no matter what the reason. I miss my girl. Love you! Dad.

  4. JiJi1 says:


    I’m so very sorry to hear about the passing of your great-grandmother. I can’t imagine how you must be feeling so far away from home and family right now. Rest your head and heart on Michael now for physical support. And let Jesus be your perfect security in this storm abroad. He doesn’t always promise us and easy passage during a storm, but He always promises us a safe landing.

    Rudyard Kipling has a poem that is a favorite of mine. I know how you love to paint. So, hopefully it will bring you some comfort during this difficult time.

    When Earth’s Last Picture Is Painted

    L’Envoi To “The Seven Seas”

    When Earth’s last picture is painted and the tubes are twisted and dried,
    When the oldest colours have faded, and the youngest critic has died,
    We shall rest, and, faith, we shall need it — lie down for an aeon or two,
    Till the Master of All Good Workmen shall put us to work anew.
    And those that were good shall be happy; they shall sit in a golden chair;
    They shall splash at a ten-league canvas with brushes of comets’ hair.
    They shall find real saints to draw from — Magdalene, Peter, and Paul;
    They shall work for an age at a sitting and never be tired at all!

    And only The Master shall praise us, and only The Master shall blame;
    And no one shall work for money, and no one shall work for fame,
    But each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
    Shall draw the Thing as he sees it. For the God of Things as they are!

    Love and Hugs, Jeanne
    p.s. My grandmother once told me that an angel sits at every believers grave. What a beautiful image to remember. Peace be with you and your family at this difficult time. jc

  5. Angelle says:

    my heart goes out to you. I know all about crying because were I am is sooo far from home and you are much further than me.

  6. Lollie says:

    Your blog once again pulls at my heart and makes me so thankful to have you in the family. What a wonderful tribute to your family and childhood. I hope that I have given my children and grandchild the same since of being there. Candice loves being able to say that her parents were always there.
    I know you can’t wait to get back home for Christmas. I love going to Jiji’s at Christmas. I was recuperating there after my surgery last Thanksgiving as all the decorations were going up. I just love having a huge family.

    Love to you both

  7. Kristyn says:

    I’m sorry I’m just now commenting…we have been in and out of town for 2 weeks, but have been in contact with Carolyn and heard the news. We’re so sorry for the loss and are praying for y’all.
    I know I’ve never met your great-grandmother, but I know anyone who is a member of your family has got to be amazing…because everyone i’ve met thus far has been!!

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