I have a new goal in life: to raise daughters who do not act like complete ninnies at the movie theatre.
Just as everyone with a XX chromosomal makeup did this weekend, my friends and I went to see New Moon. It came out on Friday and so we decided to go during the day. We bought tickets for the 11:45 am show for the SPECIFIC purpose of avoiding all the giggling yelling teenage girls. We were sorely disappointed. It was full of teenage girls who decided that the movie theatre was the perfect place to scream for no reason, cry out “team Edward” or “team Jacob” every time one of them came on-screen, and yell random comments to the screen. I thought the girl in front of us was having a freaking seizure as soon as the title of the movie came on-screen. She did not have a seizure; she is just crazy and apparently did not have a mama to teach her better- bless her heart. Of course then the Shhhhh wars started between groups of people. One group would be loud then the another group would shhhhhhh them and then the aforementioned loud group would shhhhhhh right back whilst giggling. I wanted to stab so many people I thought I would lose it. Then I remembered why I didn’t have very many friends in high school.
What did I think of the movie? First, it was a 100% improvement over Twilight. (According to my mother, it had to be.) The quality was far better than the first and I thought that it was as good as it could be with the material. The scenery was great. I loved the part in Italy because they somehow managed to cast actors who are way to good to be in the Twilight movies to play the Volturi. Taylor Lutner (who plays Jacob Black) was much better than I hoped (side note: he is also 17, please calm down crazy 40-year-old ladies behind us). Bella wasn’t nearly as annoying as in the first movie. And whoever picked out that charcoal suit for Edward is now on my Christmas card list. I am sure I will see it again. I am sure I will own the DVD.
But because I can not seem to just tell you what I think about a movie without half of my world views, here it goes:
The Twilight books are the literary equivalent of eating a gallon of chocolate ice cream. alone. at midnight. in the dark. It tastes good, it’s bad for you, and most of all- you don’t want anyone to know. I devoured the 4 books in about as many days and will NEVER admit to the number of times I have actually read them, but now that they are so popular everyone wants to celebrate this guilty pleasure together. And it’s just WRONG. The dialogue in these books is so corny and cheesy that it hurts, but when you read it by yourself on the couch under a blanket it seems so beautiful and romantic. When you see that dialogue on the big screen being said by actors you just want to cringe and hide of embarrassment for you, the actor and the world at large. So there is no way that any of these movies is going to be any good to movie critics or anyone really. So I think I probably won’t ever really like the movie but I can’t give a good opinion on it until the DVD so that I can watch it alone, in the dark, with chocolate ice cream.
*All these ladies would like you to know that I forced them into this picture so I would have a visual for the blog. They are all mortified.